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Satirical News Tue Jun 19 2018 21:38:12 GMT+0000 (UTC)
WHERE THE PARTY'S AT -- BREAKING NEWS New York City, New York – A man is facing deportation after being arrested while making a... Continue Reading
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Washington, DC - President Trump has just been diagnosed with a severe case of separation anxiety. The White House refuses to reveal the cause. Trump's family is with him during all treatments. Melania is now residing with the President at the...
BREAKING NEWS New York City, New York – Rachel Campos-Duffy called on House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi to leave... Continue Reading
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After much controversy and criticism over his unprecedented refusal to disclose certain sensitive personal and financial information, President Donald Trump finally released his Enneagram personality test results. Trump is an Enneagram Type Eight, a.
BREAKING NEWS Washington, D.C. – Kathy Griffin took a vicious new swing at the first lady over the immigration... Continue Reading
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A Bloomington, Minnesota masochist dentist, Hotep Whip, is offering obtuse faux patients the chance to sit in a waiting room and listen to actual patients screaming and writhing in agony while getting dental treatment. The cost for the faux patient..
These boots are made for walking…
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After becoming cognitively confused, pissing in his pants, throwing up all over the place, and saying things to his co-workers that he couldn't remember the next day, local Iowa man, Richard Head, has finally decided to quit drinking. "It just...
BREAKING NEWS – Tecumseh, Michigan – Stephanie Jass, 48, pleaded guilty in Lenawee Circuit Court to a charge of unauthorized... Continue Reading
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BILLINGSGATE POST: How can anyone forget the story about the couple who were viciously attacked by two chimps while innocently eating cake with their son Moe, celebrating his 39th birthday. Moe, who was an iconoclast by nature, shared living quarter.
BREAKING NEWS San Francisco, California – Recent social media posts by tourists visiting San Francisco casts a troubling light... Continue Reading
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Attorney General Jeff Sessions stunned the panel on Fox & Friends this morning and forced the network to shut down when, as he spoke, he suddenly morphed into a small green flame spitting tree frog! A stunned panel led by Sean Hannity sat breat..
BREAKING NEWS Athens, Georgia – A Georgia grandmother claims she strangled a rabid bobcat to death after it jumped... Continue Reading
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38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser. "I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven...
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Elected Republican officials promised on Monday that if cities become submerged because of rising sea levels, they and their republican voting constituents will pay to repair the damage. But, how will we know who owes what? Ryan explained the a...
Dear Blake, I am a teetotaler. As frequently happens when a group of friends share a meal together at a... Continue Reading
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In what appears to be a misguided attempt to get a break from their teenage sons, a Nevada couple purposefully attempted to cross the U.S./Mexico border illegally. According to reports, Stan and Fran Druzinski of Winnemucca, Nevada were caught...
I heard a story about two college students who were roommates at seminary, that rarely got along. One day they... Continue Reading
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Proctor & Garbo designer Marlo Garbo yells out on Instagram that Anne Hathaway is ugly and looks like a witch, invoking the wrath of the Down Syndrome organization. As first reported by the Instagram account Cosmetic Surgery, Garbo commented o...
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MUNICH, GERMANY. Sept. 30, 1938. Standing on the tarmac at Munich International Airport early this morning, sleepy-eyed President Donald Trump waived a copy of the Munich Agreement to a group of reporters and declared: "Today is the beginning of an a
Dear Blake, I love my grandchildren. My problem is, my daughter expects me to baby-sit at the snap of a... Continue Reading
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A woman who had literally two good days growing up is going on a vacation this summer to relive those good old days. The only two good days the woman, named Liz, had as a kid was when she went on a family vacation to Disney World. Well, it wasn...
I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt Superman was flying over an expressway that was being repaired... Continue Reading
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No, not that dirty linen from the bed at the Moscow Ritz-Carlton. That linen has been cryogenically frozen, preserved under lock and key, like the shroud of Turin, to be thawed and used as proof to blackmail Trump; if Putin finds it necessary... N...
BILLINGSGATE POST: While the average American male worker takes a daily shower or bath to refresh himself and also rid himself of pesty parasites, dangling dingle berries and pungent odors that might effect his love life deleteriously, carnival work.
BREAKING NEWS Washington, D.C. – Chelsea Clinton is firing back at all the people who say she looks like... Continue Reading
After the historic first ever man-to-man meeting between US President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, in Singapore yesterday, Mr Trump had to request a visit from a local doctor last night after complaining of severe discomfort in
BREAKING NEWS Rochester, New York – Using mathematical models, astrophysicists simulated how various alien civilizations might rise and fall... Continue Reading
After the historic first ever man-to-man meeting between US President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, in Singapore yesterday, Mr Trump had to request a visit from a local doctor last night after complaining of severe discomfort in
BREAKING NEWS Washington, D.C. – Nancy Pelosi was asked who would she want in office if she was held... Continue Reading
As the world held it's breathe and an anxious press corps stood by, President Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un faced each other for the first time this morning in Singapore. "They were close enough to touch" according to press reports. Evidently, acco...
SOLITUDE WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS
HARFOLD, Vt. - We've all been "hangry," that grumpy disposition when we get home late and haven't had a meal. God forbid you've missed an entire meal. But the female cafeteria staff at Harfold State College in Harfold, Vermont, have determined tha...
BREAKING NEWS Washington, D.C. – Shortly after blasting President Trump’s immigration policies as a “form of torture,” a top... Continue Reading